Deja Vu
by madisoncunningham1
Summary: "It all Comes back to you... Deja Vu.." When Erin leaves for New York she leaves behind Jay, her best friend and partner. Will they be able to resolve things or will it all be a memory in the back of his mind.. One Shot, may be a two shot...


They were both separated by a time zone and by a couple of states. It was June 2017 and She had just began her new life in New York City. The place where most people's dreams come true, except hers weren't.

they had only been separated for a month. after him leaving to clear his mind from his past coming back to get him. he hadn't slept in days since she left, and neither had she except she didn't tell anyone.

Their friends could tell what was going on, and maybe it was for the best. Their lives were about to change if she hadn't taken the job but rather it changed _anyway_.

Jay had wanted to propose to her in front of all their friends at the bar they always go to. _Molly's_

He was quiet since she left, he had continued to go to work but without her it wasn't the same. He'd rather have her there. He had lost her once he didn't want to lose her again but he did.

He had been drinking more, been thinking a lot about what he could have changed but to him knowing how stubborn she is… he wouldn't have been able to make her stay. She didn't even tell him she was leaving until right before she did..

He was angry but with the terms they were on, _it was for the best._ Jay still kept the ring in his pocket, he woke up every morning thinking she'd be lying right next to him but he woke up disappointed day by day.

Erin hadn't slept since she took the job, she worked more hours, being undercover she couldn't call anyone.

That morning, she woke up. Her heart racin' and her body burning from working out the night before. Her life had just began… or so she thought. Erin got up out of her bed and went to the kitchen in her brand new apartment to make her some coffee. She had heard a knock on the door. Who could it be at 4:30 in the morning?

She didn't know and rather she didn't care. Her eyes were blood shot from crying the night before, and her heart was still racing. Once she opened the door her body nearly dropped to the floor.

 _How did he find me. Why was_ _ **he**_ _here. He shouldn't be here._. Was all floating through her mind.

"I miss you." He said

"Jay…"

"No. I I wanna. Never mind."

"Erin. I'm sorry." He added "I wanna.." he got down on one knee and pulled the ring out..

There was no smile on her face and she couldn't believe he was there.

"Can I ask you a question Er?"

She nodded her head out of respect. "I have loved you ever since I walked into that building my love for you burned bright. I can't see you leave b but please please move back in with me, and marry me. I can't live life without you. I don't want too. Please. Come home."

"Jay. I I don't know what to say."

"Erin.."

"Jay you left. You left for god knows what. I know it's because you needed a break but without you there. I couldn't live. Jay I wanted you to fight for me. I wanted you to walk in the door and tell me it's all gonna be okay, you never did. You just put this shit out there. I I don't know I don't know what to say. I don't want to say yes because New York is what I need. I need this. But I love you I really do I just wish you would have fought to keep me when you had me… and had me in Chicago."

"I I get it Erin I really do."

"Maybe this is _our one day_."

"Yeah I I guess." Jay said

"I mean that ring is beautiful Jay… can this be what we've wanted? Can this be the day we leave our old lives behind us. Start over. Here. In New York. The-they have great schools for _when we have kids_. You can get a job for NYPD. I can work for the FBI, and when we are ready we can move back to Chicago."

"I mean if you're saying yes and this is what you want Erin. I I will do it. You're all I've ever dreamed of. If this means we get to be together for the rest of our lives. This is all I want."

"I really wish you would have fought for me. In the locker room with Hank and the guys. I wish you would have said something. It could have made me love you more."

"Erin.. you know if I could have had you a year ago I would have. I I didn't want to lose my job. Neither one of us did. We we could have told them..".

Erin stepped back and let Jay walk into the apartment. He looked around and smiled at the pictures sitting on the mantle. His mind went back to the day they took that picture, at the policeman's ball. He was smiling big because he was with his favorite person.. Weird how times changed he thought.

Erin looked at her hand and she didn't put the ring on yet and she didn't know if she really wanted too..

"I I almost forgot Er." Jay pulled the ring back out from his pocket and handed it to her.

"Yeah."

"I love you.." Jay said, he pulled her into his arms and held her tightly against his body. His body pounded hard against hers. And suddenly Erin remembered the first time they kissed.

She remember the way he grabbed her cheeks and the way he would smile during their kisses.

The way he looked at her like she was the only thing in the room. The way his smile lit up the room the minute she walked in.

"I love you…"

"When I wanted to propose. I didn't expect this as my ideal situation. I didn't think you'd move.. Or I would."

"I'm sorry Er. I really am I shouldn't have left. I didn't know how to react. I didn't want to hurt you by me not being able to love you. I I don't deserve you and rather I don't know why I came.. I just wanted to see you. I miss you."

 _It was all dream._ Jay told himself. He hadn't dreamt it all.

"What the fuck was that?" He told himself before looking over at the other side of his bed

 _She wasn't there. She was_ _ **gone**_ _. In a flash she had disappeared._

 _6 years later…._

"Lane." She shouted

"Yes Mom?" He said

"We gotta go. I've got to get to work."

"Okay.." he said grabbing his Mickey backpack.

It had been six years since she left, six years since she found out she was pregnant. six years since she left Chicago and made her life. six years since she became a new person started a new life.

"Where's my dad?"

Erin looked around before answering the question.

"He's in Chicago."

"Where's Chicago?" Lane asked

"It's where I grew up. It's where I met your dad.." She smiled at the thought of him. Her body had butterflies at the thought of thinking of him.

"Why isn't he here? Why didn't he come with you?"

"I didn't want him to follow me. I wanted to be alone." Lane gave his mom a hug

"But you're not alone Mom. You have me."

"I know baby. We gotta go." Erin opened the door and looked up at who was there

"Jay."

"Erin?"

"Hey." She said as he walked further into her apartment.

 _So much for going to work she thought._

Her heart pounded against her heart as she closed the door

"Lane." She said and he listened walking back into his apartment.

"The boy?"

"Wait first what are you doing here Jay?"

"I asked Hank your apartment number. He didn't know it so I called Olivia Benson. I was trying to come see you but I see you're busy."

"Yeah. I had a baby. His name is Lane Christian. He's five."

"Oh. Hello Lane." Jay bent down to the boy's level and smiled

"Mommy. Why is he here?"

"I don't know Lan-o. Ask him."

"Mr. Jay why are you here?"

"I came to see your mom. Ask her a question but I see she's busy. So I'll leave her. Erin I miss you baby. I wish you'd come back to Chicago."

"You live in Chicago?" Lane's eyes widened

"Yeah. I do."

"My daddy lives in Chicago."

"Oh he does." Jay looked at Erin

"Who's his Dad?"

"I don't know. I mean it was after we broke up. It it has to be you Jay. I gave him your last name.."

"My last name?"

"Erin. He could know his dad he could know me. Yet you left Chicago. I could have known I had a son. Everything. But I was left. I wanted to propose. In Molly's that day you left. I wanted to make you my wife. I wanted you to be my last kiss. I wanted you to be the mother of my kids.."

"Lane go play." Lane ran into his room and started playing.

"Well I I am the mother of your kid.. I mean Lane's got your blue eyes, your laugh your smile. He's a spitting image of you. Anyone who thinks he's not yours is just crazy."

"Does Hank know? Does the team know?"

"No. Th-They don't. I never told anyone. I have a Nanny that helps with him while I'm at work but otherwise it's just me."

"Erin I _loved_ you. I _love_ you. I miss your laugh I miss your smile I miss your body. I miss it all. Come back to Chicago with me. Lane can come. The guys will _love him_. I love him. He's so adorable. Hank will love to see you. Live there with me. Marry Me. We can be a family. _That could be our ideal situation._ We can have more kids.. You can work with me again. It'll be like old times."

"Jay.." She threw her head back. "I-I don't know. Lane is in a good school he has friends. I don't want to switch him…"

"Kim and Adam finally got married. They have a little boy Finn.. and a girl on the way. Rylen Gray."

"Oh.."

"Yeah you missed a lot Er. We can be a family. I mean I lost you once it was my fault but I'm ready for you to be _my girl_ again. I've waited six years to do this." Jay leaned in grabbed her cheeks then kissed her _like old times_

"Jay."

"I love you. I miss you."

"I don't know. I wanna just tell you it's alright, but it's not. I miss you like crazy. I know I should come back but I just can't. I needed this Jay. I needed this break. I wanna see Hank and everyone but Lane is in a good school, I've got my job. You have yours."

Jay pushed her hair out of the way and stared into her eyes. "Erin none of that matters to me. I don't care about my job. I'd give it up a million times just to make sure I can have you. I lost you once. I'm sure as hell not gonna lose you again. I can't. I haven't slept a night since you left. I haven't been the same. I honestly don't remember the last time I laughed. I just want you back Er. Lane can have his dad. I can have my son."

"I wanna go… but I need New York."

"I know.. and if you wanna stay I'll stay. Your dream is my dream. Nothing else matters than this."

"Lane come here son." Erin shouted

"Yes Mom?"

"We are moving." Jay's face lit up with happiness and he smiled so big.

"Where are we moving to?"

"Chicago." Lane smiled then hugged his mom.

"Lane." Jay said

"Yes?"

"I'm your dad. I'm the one who lives in Chicago." Jay bent down "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you but I promise to be there for you till the end of time kid. You're my boy. I'm never letting you go."

"Mommy why did he leave in the first place?"

"Look Lane… I didn't leave. I didn't know about you. One day I'm gonna tell you that story.." Lane nodded her head then grabbed his backpack

"Well we gotta get to the airport Mama." Lane smiled

"Yeah we gotta get to the airport Erin." Jay added

They headed to the airport _as a family_. For the first time Jay felt like life had finally gone his way. And it will always do this.

His truck was still at the airport. Once they got off the plane three hours later Lane had fallen asleep, Jay had carried him to the truck.

"Jay you don't have a car seat."

"Erin, I babysit Finn all the time I think I have a car seat."

Erin chuckled as Jay put his son into the car seat and buckled him up. Erin climbed into the front seat and waited for Jay to start the car.

"You're really beautiful y'know?"

Erin blushed. "Jay stop."

"Stop what?"

"That. The thing you do."

"The Thing I do…" He chuckled

"Yeah the one where you think I'm the most beautiful girl in the world.." Jay smiled

"It's true though.. I missed your laugh and your smile and the way you crinkled your nose when I told you, you're beautiful. I missed it all."

 **I didn't know where to end this one shot at and I think that is a good spot… there may be a second part where Hank sees Lane but I don't know… thanks for reading this and yes I finished it the last day of my cruise. lol. it's a pleasure writing.**


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